Hey Cleveland Browns Management, how goes it? I know, right? Tell me about it! It’s been a trying couple of weeks for you, huh? I mean you’re the laughing stock of the NFL right now (and some would argue since 1999). All of the other teams seem to be taking your lunch money everyday and stuffing you into lockers. You’re not even the little brother anymore. You’ve somehow turned into the neglected child of the weirdo family next door that never, ever mows their lawn. Long story short, everyone is just kind of feeling bad for you. But, you can do something about it! You can turn everything around real quick, fast and easy, dudes! You can buy us a new fancy drum set (Johnny Manziel) to show us how much you care and love us like Uncle Jesse did to DJ (couldn’t find the actual clip, but it’s from the right episode)! All you have to do is draft the most electrifying, talented, hard-working quarterback to come out of the draft in many, many years: Johnny Manziel. Continue reading
Dear White People,
Although this is in regards to a sports figure, you do not have to be a football fan to take what I am about to say to heart. As reported by, well you know, everyone; Former University of Florida star Wide Receiver and current Philadelphia Eagle WR Riley Cooper (white) was at a Kenny Chesney concert (extremely white thing to do) on his home field, the Linc, when he took it upon himself to say and do the following:
Definition of sport (noun) defined by Webster’s Dictionary:
An activity involving physical exertion and skill in which an individual or team competes against another or others.
That is a pretty lame, vague PC definition of a sport if you ask this guy right here (pointing to self). It’s a definition that’s trying to appease the “athletes” out there who only became “athletes” because they grew up wealthy enough to be able to practice tennis, golf or snowboarding (can you tell at all that I’m just venting my jealousy?). Please watch Tosh’s stand-up for more insight into this.